I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
