a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
