hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
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