Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
