Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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