So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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