So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
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