I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
