Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Randomize
