I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
