Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
