Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Me. At least after what I've been through.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
