Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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