That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
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