dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize