every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
