Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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