The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
