Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I look better un-naked...
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
