well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
