I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
