If that was your dad, he is hot
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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