I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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