3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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