his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
This is the high leading the old right now
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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