dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
the condom got lost in my hair
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
