How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
