Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Randomize
