I seem to have left my pride at pride
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
