Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
