I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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