I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Randomize
