But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
