Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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