That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
