New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
