My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize