I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
