Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize