Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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