I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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