Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
