we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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