How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
