After last night, I could never be a politician.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
