Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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