The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
