She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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