My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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