I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize
