I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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