xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
