he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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