I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
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