Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
