You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
