i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i think my mom watched the whole time
splinters make it hard to masturbate
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
