last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
