What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Alive.
So much puke
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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