I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
