so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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