you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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