Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
