That's when you crack a 10am beer
do herpes really smell.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
