my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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