Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
