Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
