By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
