Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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