If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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