I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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