I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
