A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
