Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Randomize
