? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
