you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize