he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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