youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
...so i touched it.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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