Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
