she sounds like chewbacca in bed
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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