help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
