So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
