3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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