I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
