Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Randomize
