I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
