Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
