sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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