Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
