My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
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