my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
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