WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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