checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize