he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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