She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
