Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
