Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
