im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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