Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
